I saw something that truly bothered me yesterday.
When we post online, we absolutely open ourselves up to opinions. I would like to think most people understand that.
I truly believe most people are good. Harmless even. And sometimes don’t always think through their actions. Which could be a whole other discussion, but I digress.
But I saw something that I cannot let go of.
A girl anonymously posted in a women’s group stating that she is worried about her partner's family genetics if they were to have children. She notices his entire family is a bit overweight, carries medical problems, and finds simple day-to-day movements hard. She was asking how she could bring this discussion up with her boyfriend because it’s a genuine concern of hers, but she didn't want to sound insensitive.
My first thoughts when I read this were “Good for her! Having the hard discussions with your partner early on to see if you have similar goals of where you want your life to go. This is going to set you up for a successful relationship.”
I clicked on the MANY comments to see if there were any science discussions happening, and I was SHOCKED by the reactions.
This girl got called fatphobic. She was told she doesn’t deserve her boyfriend. And people were posting her comments in groups that were titled “how to expose yourself as a piece of shit”.
Excuse me??? I don’t understand how simply caring about health and the effect it has on our bodies and future families, deems you fatphobic.
There were two things that were disturbing in this situation.
The immediate slander of a person who was concerned for her future
The lack of understanding people possessed in regards to genetics and health
Let’s touch on issue number one first.
There are only TWO things you can control in this life...
How you treat yourself.
How you treat others.
I found it quite hypocritical that there were over 100 comments ripping this girl to shreds, when she was simply asking how she could broach a subject she understood as very sensitive with someone she loves dearly. Her language may not have been the best, I’ll admit, but if you are not someone who deals with body image issues, language in regards to body image is not something you are hyper aware of.
So what do we need to do?
Manage OUR emotions.
We CANNOT control what others are going to say. We cannot control in what manner they say them, or when it is being said. But what we CAN control is our emotions and understanding of where they are at.
I know, I know. We are all ~SO tired~ of managing others. Well… buck up. It takes a lot MORE energy to get mad and harness hate towards someone who may simply be misunderstanding and unaware, than it is to just acknowledge what was said, and move forward.
Too many of us are not attuned with our own inner self, therefore we do not understand our reactions.
The comments were turned off so I could not speak up, but it physically hurt me to see these people telling this girl she was a horrible human being who didn’t deserve her significant other. Making such outlandish remarks on an entire relationship based on 3 sentences.
The whole situation baffled me that they were saying far worse things than she and yet were not looking in a mirror at how their words could effect others.
If you are not treating yourself with respect, loving on your body in all forms, moving it in ways that bring you joy, and nurturing it with foods that satisfy you, you will not be able to manage when others show concerns about their health.
It will infuriate you. You will think they are ignorant, harmful, disrespectful, and that life is easy for them.
I say this because I was there. Remember, I had an eating disorder for YEARS. I wasn’t comfortable with my body, so I hated those who were focused on theirs. I told myself all the things…
“They are naturally skinny.”
“Doing push ups is easy for them.”
“It’s genetics, look at their parents!”
… just to take the focus away from how I was treating MYSELF.
Now, to the second point.
Genetics.
It has a role, but it is NOT everything.
Yes, to a certain extent your body is your body. If your parents are no taller than 5' 4, then there is a slim chance that you will be 6' 7. (not impossible! But not probable)
But, we put too much emphasis on “this happened to my parents, so it will happen to me” or “it’s always been this way.”
Knowing your family history is an amazing tool we have now. With in-depth knowledge due to technology, we are able to pay closer attention to things that have a higher chance of happening to you, but it does not mean it is a life sentence.
You can take these tools and adjust your lifestyle appropriately.
It is INSANE how much a consistent and steady lifestyle focused around nutrient dense foods and movement can alter your body's hormonal regulation, blood pressure, glucose levels, weight management and so on and so forth.
Now, I am not saying this is EASY.
Easy is something earned, but it is manageable and eventually it just becomes a part of your day to day.
Also, it’s not your fault. We have been fed this narrative day in and day out that if it runs in your family, it’s your fate. There are absolutely moments that we are handed an outcome that may not be desirable, but if you get on top of your emotions, you can get on top of everything else in your life.
I promise you that.
I don’t know if that girl who posted will ever see this, but I do hope she knows she did nothing wrong in thinking about her future with her partner. You only have one body, one life, and why wouldn’t you want yourself and your loved ones to feel the best they possibly could while living it?
And I hope whoever is reading this, treats themselves and others with kindness.
Conversations are good for us, let’s not shut those out who disagree.
Lots of love,
Tia
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